TRUE
ALTHOUGH THAT WOULD MAKE IT WACKIER FOR THE VIEWERS AT HOME
UNLESS OUR BUSINESS-MADE-INTO-AN-AWARD-WINNING-FILM WILL BE A SERIOUS DRAMA CONCERNING THE DANGERS OF TRUST INSTEAD OF A COMEDY
IN WHICH CASE WE NEED A NO-NONSENSE RETIRED COP TO BE OUR CHAUFFEUR
HE WILL PROVIDE US WITH OCCASIONAL INSIGHT AND STORIES OF HIS DAYS ON THE FORCEYES I HAVE DONE SOMETHING CRAZY AND CANADIAN AND IT IS GOOD THAT THERE IS NO AUDIBLE DIFFERENCE
IT IS ALMOST TOO CRAZY FOR CONTEMPLATION ON YOUR HALF >:?AHH YES
THE BUDGET FOR THE FILM WILL BE FIVE DOLLARS
THERE WILL BE AN ENTIRE SAP STORY BEHIND THE MAKING
IT WILL BOTH BREAK AND MEND THE HEARTS OF CELEBRITIES GETTING PAID TO LOOK GOOD AND WATCH MOVIES
PERHAPS EVEN OPRAH WILL ENDORSE IT
SHE WILL START AN ENRIRE OPRAHS MOVIE COLLECTION AND THE ONLY MOVIE ON THE LIST WILL BE OURS
AND PRECIOUS
BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE
Or, perhaps even better, a down-on-his-luck attorney taking whatever job he can get with a similarly snarky mentality who entertains us until a lawsuit requires him to take action with his gritty, seasoned court skills, after which success we shower him in champagne and we celebrate in a suitably ironic manner.
I’ll almost never begrudge a Canadian one of their own peculiar and irredeemably zany renditions of the English language, bastardized just enough to bring the American audience to a light chuckle.
The budget will come entirely out of the director’s pocket, and he’ll die in a tragic overdose of dextromethorphan, but his family will submit the unpolished film reels to a Hollywood studio, after which the limited rave reviews will instigate a firestorm of support for an American release, and a talent search for a remake will certainly be incipient. In a twist of laughable fate, we’ll each be selected to portray each other instead of ourselves in the remake of the remake, and our billions in profit will only be rivaled by the billions of adoring fans we’ll earn.